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28.06.21

1 min read

WTF: Ätstörningar med Nelly London

Säsong 2 Avsnitt 1

Ätstörningar ⚡️

I avsnitt 1 på säsong 2 av What The Fluff, välkomnar Estrid Nelly London. Nelly berättar modigt om sina svårigheter med ätstörningar och den tuffa vägen till att bli frisk. Vid ett tillfälle var hon diagnostiserad med anorexi, bulimi och hetsätningsstörning, men är numera en kroppspositiv influencer som delar med sig av sina erfarenheter i hopp om att sprida kunskap och hjälpa andra.

Vad är “What The Fluff”?

Det bästa sättet att skapa förståelse och empati mellan människor är att prata om saker. Dem viktiga, svåra sakerna. Därför skapade Estrid ”What The Fluff”: en IGTV serie där vi bjöd in olika profiler för att prata om svåra saker. Från att bekämpa ätstörningar, till hur det är att leva med en kronisk sjukdom, och vikten av att stötta unga transpersoner - våra gäster har delat med sig om sina personliga erfarenheter kring en mängd olika ämnen, och hjälpt oss skapa en trygg miljö att prata i.

Klicka här för att läsa en transkribering 👀

Hi guys, my name is Nelly, and I'm here today with Estrid to talk about all things eating disorder, eating disorder recovery and my experience with those things as part of the series, What The Fluff.

I noticed from a really young age that I was quite different in how I thought about food because I would see my young teenage friends live their life, not centered around food and thoughts around food, unlike my quite serious obsessions around food. And I just realized that I really was thinking about food in various different ways all the time. So the first thing I do want to get into school, would be talk to people about what they'd had for breakfast because I was just so focused on food and my behaviours with it and other people's behaviours with it.

So that's sort of when I kind of clocked up things were a little bit different for me. I initially suffered quite seriously with anorexia when I was, I want to say 14 or 15, it kind of does all blur into one, to be honest.

That moved on to bulimia. And then the two combined. And then by the time I was 17 or 18, I was mainly sort of controlled by binge eating disorder, which lasted about four or five years of quite serious episodes of bingeing, purging and starving. So sort of all three, if you will. I know there are so many different eating disorders. I think people tend to consider those three like the main ones. So I was convinced that I could sort of save myself from these issues around food. And I thought, do you know what? If I just stick to this diet or if I just use my willpower, I can get through this and I can achieve what I want to achieve, which is most of the time, to be honest, it was to lose weight and to get over my problems with food.

And I was just so set on doing it myself, which I look back and just think it's really sad because I clearly needed help. I think if anyone knew what was going on in my head, they would also recognize that help was very much needed. I sort of struggled on and I didn't get help until I was in my early 20s, which is when I was lucky enough to get referred to an eating disorder specialist who really began the process of, I guess, healing and figuring out what was wrong. A massive part of that process was actually admitting that what I was doing to myself was really quite dangerous. Over the sort of eightish years that my disorders really did control my life.

Unfortunately, I did do a lot of lasting damage, which is something I never even considered possible. I always thought, I'm going to stop this soon and I'm going to be better soon and I'll just sort of go back to normal. But I caused myself quite a lot of digestive issues, issues with my throat, issues within my whole intestinal system. A lot of that damage is essentially permanent. I do lots of things to help make things as easy as possible for me now. But if I had realized back then that what I was doing was causing permanent damage, I think I probably would have got help a lot sooner.

So when I did start seeing the specialist, I was diagnosed with all three conditions. And from there we were able to just basically start a recovery plan. And I've been receiving help now on and off since my early 20s when I first met my therapist, who I call my angel therapist.

She really did sort of get me through a time I didn't really think was possible to get through. People often ask sort of like, when did I recover or when did I move on from these eating disorders? And it's always such a hard one to answer because I do sort of think you never truly get over it. You never recover your... I don't know if I will ever one day wake up and just be completely free from the issues that I have around food. I work hard every single day to get towards that. And when I look at me now compared to seven, eight, nine years ago, it is a different woman, just honestly, not even the same person. So while recovery is 100 percent possible and you can live a life in which you really can be free from food obsessions, it's still a process and it's still something that I do work towards every day. So almost 10 years on from the worst parts of my journey with eating disorders, my life, weirdly, in a sort of full-circle moment, I now use that experience and those struggles, which I still experience to sort of guide the work I do now.

So I like to talk and make content a lot around body acceptance, body confidence, finding peace with your body image and just sort of general like self-love vibes. Whenever I post either a dedicated post to an experience or a casual mention in a story of something to do with eating disorders, I'm always so surprised and I always feel so comforted by the sheer volume of replies of people just saying they've been through something similar, they're going through something similar, they have a friend who they're trying to help or any of these things. Eating disorders can be such an isolating experience. And you really do somehow manage to convince yourself that you are the only one going through this pain when actually the second you reach out, you realize that that is absolutely not the case and you're just not struggling alone.

They're so common across the whole world. It's something that everyone from everywhere can experience. So as much as I see the impact of what I do helping people, it helps me so, so much in return to speak to these people and just know that none of us are alone in this. A large part of eating disorder recovery that I wasn't really prepared for was the fact that I needed to come to terms with my body and not necessarily love it and celebrate it every day, but just accept it.

And I found that so hard for so many years. I was just so convinced that my body was the root of all these problems. And that's why I had these eating disorders, because I was trying to fix my body, obviously, it never needed fixing. But when I realized that I have to really accept my body exactly how it is, that was one of the key sort of turning points in recovery. It was slow, but it eventually happened. It was other things going on and it really did have nothing to do with my body. So now that I can learn to like, appreciate and love my body for all the incredible things that it does for me, my relationship is just so much better with food and with myself.

So I definitely still have bad days. Everyone has bad body image days. They're normal. But when they come, I just sort of allow it to happen. If I feel a little bit rubbish that day, that's OK. I just allow myself to feel a little bit rubbish. But I always know and hold onto the fact that tomorrow I probably won't feel like this or the week after. I probably won't feel like this. It's a constant journey and it's constant work, but it is so, so, so worth it. If you think you might be struggling with any of these issues, even if you think it might not be so serious, I would always just recommend speaking to people and reaching out if you feel comfortable doing that.

So whether that be going out for a walk with friends to talk about it casually or even booking an appointment with a doctor, I would always, always recommend reaching out if you feel like you can. Thank you so much, Estrid, for inviting me here to talk about it on What The Fluff. I really, really enjoy chatting with you guys today. I really hope you enjoyed this little chat and hope to speak to you really soon. Bye.

Nu får du belöning när du bjuder in vänner! Ge , och få genom att bjuda in vänner som inte redan är del av Estrid-familjen.